(no subject)

[between_time_and_42]

 Amazing how at night you can be on top of the world because you played a successful show to a full house, and then the next morning you're having a total breakdown at work because you're making mistakes left and right and your coworkers are not being gentle in their corrections. 

Sometimes I really feel like I lack some kind of gene that everyone else in the world has that allows me to be a functional member of society. Which I know is pretty extreme for me to say and maybe I'm being too hard on myself, but... I dunno. Maybe it's something about the environment of a job. I had a roomful of people come out last night to see me sing and I had the night of my life socializing with them, and now today the folks I'm working with won't even return my smile and just gripe to me about how I'm doing everything wrong. 

Am I victimizing myself here? Surely I acknowledge that I'm making mistakes, but I can't stop reacting poorly when they're pointed out to me. It took me until I got home for me to realize that the way to respond to criticism is to thank the person offering it and promise to make a corrective effort, not to apologize repeatedly and put yourself down. 

Anyway I want to find a new job, something that I already have experience with, because I don't know if I can take something like this and it's really not worth doing all this for minimum wage... but I at least want to master this before I leave, so that I won't look/feel like a quitter. 

Comments

[violetbandit]

I'm really sorry you're going through this. I really want to assure you that you're not lacking any magical genes. Most people I know feel like that or have felt like that at some point (and honestly, the people I know who never felt any insecurities about their place in society and their ability to function in it are kinda awful.) I know this isn't helpful, and how much that feeling sucks, but you're definitely not alone, and anyone who is treating you like you're making mistakes no one else has ever made, or like they've never been in your position, isn't someone whose opinion you should take to heart. They're either lying or letting their longer experience cloud their judgement of reality and of what they were like when they were beginning. Congratulations on realizing how to approach the issue in a healthier way! That can be a pretty tough step in itself. And anyone who'd prefer you to put yourself down than try to improve is, frankly, a bully. Good luck with everything, and I hope you find a more enjoyable place next!

And CONGRATULATIONS ON THE FULL HOUSE SHOW!!! That's really great!

[between_time_and_42]

Actually that's all very helpful! Thank you.

And thank you about the show!! I'm still very happy about that. Never expected so many people to turn out!