I Was Born For This
Jun. 21st, 2023 06:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
between_time_and_42I read this book a few weeks ago, and the story wasn't really something I felt like blogging a ton about, but I felt like writing a post about it today after the new Heartstopper update put me in an Alice Oseman frame of mind. I Was Born For This is the last Oseman book that I had yet to read, and the one I'd anticipated reading the most- partly because it was so elusive, but mostly because it deals with a subject that is near and dear to my heart- band fandoms. In particular, the book focused on the friendships that spring up between fans of the same band, and the parasocial relationships that some fans develop towards the band, and how devoting one's attention so wholeheartedly to a band can be both a positive thing, as it feels like you're a part of something greater, and negative, as those who devote their entire lives to loving a band can often neglect to care for themselves. All of these topics are things I relate to, to a certain extent, so I was curious to see how Oseman was going to tackle this world that I know so well.
I Was Born For This alternates viewpoints every chapter, going back and forth between the POV of "Angel" (her real name is Fereshteh, but she uses the name Angel online and at fandom gatherings), a teen girl obsessed with popular rock trio The Ark, and Jimmy, The Ark's lead vocalist and guitarist/keyboardist. At the beginning of the book, Angel is excited to be spending a weekend in London with her best online friend Juliet, whom she's only just now met in person for the first time. Though she'll be missing an end-of-year school ceremony, Angel doesn't care, because she's about to see The Ark in concert for the first time. Only then- she hopes- will she feel like she has a purpose in life. Things get complicated, however, when it turns out that Juliet has invited another friend from Tumblr to stay with her- and that friend seems to be much more interested in Juliet than The Ark, leading Angel to question his motives.
Meanwhile, Jimmy is reaching the end of a long tour- and the end of his rope. The Ark are on the brink of signing a contract with a major record label, which will win them an enormous audience and more acclaim. All Jimmy can imagine getting out of it, however, is less time to himself, and more stress. It doesn't help that fans are frequently scrutinizing his and bassist Rowan's interactions, believing that they're secretly a couple, while Rowan is trying desperately to hide the fact that he has a girlfriend, Bliss, from the public. On top of that, drummer Lister has been engaging in self-destructive behavior recently, most notably drinking, and Jimmy is worried about him.
The first thing that I have to mention about this book is that, as one would expect from an Alice Oseman story, there's so much queer and POC rep and I am HERE FOR IT. I thought both Angel's Muslim religion and Jimmy's trans identity were woven really well into the story- neither being traits that fully define them, but also not something that could be ignored. It also warmed my heart to see Jimmy's grandfather being so accepting of him. Some may call that a fantasy, but fuck, if it isn't great to read a story featuring a trans protagonist where no one ever acts transphobic towards him. I also loved that Angel was depicted as questioning her sexuality, and how this was just a part of her character and it didn't take up any part of her character development. It's so rare to see a character who's unsure of their sexuality remain unsure of it by the end of the story, but it felt so real and refreshing and never felt as if it should have been resolved, because the story wasn't about that. (That being said, I 100% headcanon Angel as aspec. "I wouldn't say I was attracted to him, or any of them, really. That's not what this is about." <3) Aside from that, two other major characters were bisexual, Rowan is Black, Bliss and Jimmy are mixed-race... It's just so wonderful how Oseman makes sure to include all sorts of people in her writing, because the world is not homogenous and it's ridiculous to not have works of fiction reflect that.
Other than that... I liked Jimmy and felt very protective over him. I also loved Bliss, who was simultaneously badass and vulnerable. She was probably the best-written character. I enjoyed reading about the band's day-to-day life in the early chapters. Some aspects of the band fandom were portrayed perfectly, like the thrill of meeting online friends IRL, and the excitement of being at a concert, and just the general spirit of it all, I thought Oseman got right. These paragraphs in particular made me tear up a little:
"Being a fan isn't always about the thing you're a fan of. Okay, well, it SORT OF is, but there is much more to it than just going online and screaming that you love something. Being a fan has given me people to talk to about the things that I like for the past five years. Being a fan has made me better friends online than I've ever encountered in real life; it has entered me into a community where people are joined in love and passion and hope and joy and escape. Being a fan has given me a reason to wake up, something always to look forward to, something to dream about when I'm trying to fall asleep.
"And people sneer. Sure. I get it. Adults especially. They see all these teenage girls and they think it's because we're stupid. They only see the tiny percentage of fans who take it too far- the stalkers- and they think we're all like that. They think we only love the band because of theirs look; they think we only like their music because it's relatable. They think all of us are girls. They think all of us are straight.
"They think we're dumb little girls who spend all our time screaming because we want to marry a musician.
"They don't understand the half of it. Any of it. How could they? Adults don't think teenagers can do anything, anyway.
"But despite everything in the world being terrible, we CHOOSE to stand by The Ark. We choose hope, light, joy, friendship, FAITH, even when our lives aren't perfect, or exciting, or fun, or special, like the boys from The Ark's are. I might be a disappointing student, without many close friends, with a life of mediocrity waiting for me back home- an average degree from an average university, an average job, and an average life- but I will always have this.
"In an otherwise mediocre existence, we choose to feel passion."
Like... oh my god. Other than the fact that Angel clearly has some misanthropic tendencies and low self-esteem that I no longer really possess as an adult (well, I still have the low self-esteem, but not in the same way that she does), I could have said the same. Being a fan of a band is so irrational and strange and enlightening and beautiful, and the thought of choosing to feel passion because what else are you going to do just awed me. That, I think Oseman got right.
However... I didn't feel anywhere near as connected to the rest of the writing in the book, and I have no idea why. Maybe it's because I've always been in fandoms for either older musicians, where teenagers are usually in the minority, or obscure/under the radar musicians, who don't have as huge a fanbase, so I couldn't connect to the exact same experience that Angel was going through. I especially felt disconnected from the Jimmy/Rowan shipping, and honestly felt like that could have been explored a little more. Angel says that shipping Jowan makes her feel like life is worth living, and I couldn't relate to that at all. I mean, I joke about how my OTP makes my life worth living, but 1. they're fictional characters and it feels so different and weird to say that about two actual people, and 2. I don't ACTUALLY feel that way. I love my life and have many reasons to keep living. Which is the other thing I couldn't relate to- Angel feeling that without The Ark, her life is meaningless. If I had read this book as a teenager, I probably could have related to this more, but I felt very disconnected from it reading it now. I understand why Angel was portrayed this way, as it set up a great arc where she realizes that she has people in her life whom she values more than The Ark and starts focusing on those relationships going forward, but since I've already kind of reached that stage in my life, I felt very ??? when reading those parts. A lot of it honestly didn't feel like it was written from experience, either, unlike Solitaire, Radio Silence, and Loveless, which all felt very much based on aspects of Oseman's life. I felt like she had based the story on the experiences of her friends instead. Or maybe I'm looking at it wrong, and she was writing about her experience with fans of her own works and trying to depict their mindset. I dunno... All I can say is that more parts failed to ring true for me than resonate.
I also have to say that aside from Bliss and Jimmy, I didn't really care about any of the characters. I can't say why they fell so flat to me- they just did. My biggest sticking point, however, was the build-up to the book's climax. More and more characters kept showing up and demanding "screentime," until I felt like they were all elbowing each other trying to get their plots to fit on the page. There was also a LOT of arguing, which became exhausting to read after a while. And as for the climax itself... Jesus, and I thought SOLITAIRE was dark. That was absolutely horrible, almost on par with Aled's mother having his dog put down in Radio Silence (although not quite to that point because what happened in I Was Born For This was an accident, whereas in Radio Silence, the dog killing was very much intentional.) Finally, I also felt like the ending left too many things unresolved, particularly with the future of The Ark and Jimmy & Lister's potential relationship. For me personally, I would have preferred a more definite ending.
With all that said... I'm glad that Oseman tackled the kind of topics she did in this book, but overall I felt that the narrative didn't go deep enough, and I didn't care enough about the characters to stay interested. It's a shame that I felt that way about something I was looking forward to so much, but hey, not every book has to be a winner. I'd say I'd probably rank Oseman's works thusly:
1. Radio Silence
2. Heartstopper
3. Loveless
4. Solitaire
5. I Was Born For This
I Was Born For This alternates viewpoints every chapter, going back and forth between the POV of "Angel" (her real name is Fereshteh, but she uses the name Angel online and at fandom gatherings), a teen girl obsessed with popular rock trio The Ark, and Jimmy, The Ark's lead vocalist and guitarist/keyboardist. At the beginning of the book, Angel is excited to be spending a weekend in London with her best online friend Juliet, whom she's only just now met in person for the first time. Though she'll be missing an end-of-year school ceremony, Angel doesn't care, because she's about to see The Ark in concert for the first time. Only then- she hopes- will she feel like she has a purpose in life. Things get complicated, however, when it turns out that Juliet has invited another friend from Tumblr to stay with her- and that friend seems to be much more interested in Juliet than The Ark, leading Angel to question his motives.
Meanwhile, Jimmy is reaching the end of a long tour- and the end of his rope. The Ark are on the brink of signing a contract with a major record label, which will win them an enormous audience and more acclaim. All Jimmy can imagine getting out of it, however, is less time to himself, and more stress. It doesn't help that fans are frequently scrutinizing his and bassist Rowan's interactions, believing that they're secretly a couple, while Rowan is trying desperately to hide the fact that he has a girlfriend, Bliss, from the public. On top of that, drummer Lister has been engaging in self-destructive behavior recently, most notably drinking, and Jimmy is worried about him.
The first thing that I have to mention about this book is that, as one would expect from an Alice Oseman story, there's so much queer and POC rep and I am HERE FOR IT. I thought both Angel's Muslim religion and Jimmy's trans identity were woven really well into the story- neither being traits that fully define them, but also not something that could be ignored. It also warmed my heart to see Jimmy's grandfather being so accepting of him. Some may call that a fantasy, but fuck, if it isn't great to read a story featuring a trans protagonist where no one ever acts transphobic towards him. I also loved that Angel was depicted as questioning her sexuality, and how this was just a part of her character and it didn't take up any part of her character development. It's so rare to see a character who's unsure of their sexuality remain unsure of it by the end of the story, but it felt so real and refreshing and never felt as if it should have been resolved, because the story wasn't about that. (That being said, I 100% headcanon Angel as aspec. "I wouldn't say I was attracted to him, or any of them, really. That's not what this is about." <3) Aside from that, two other major characters were bisexual, Rowan is Black, Bliss and Jimmy are mixed-race... It's just so wonderful how Oseman makes sure to include all sorts of people in her writing, because the world is not homogenous and it's ridiculous to not have works of fiction reflect that.
Other than that... I liked Jimmy and felt very protective over him. I also loved Bliss, who was simultaneously badass and vulnerable. She was probably the best-written character. I enjoyed reading about the band's day-to-day life in the early chapters. Some aspects of the band fandom were portrayed perfectly, like the thrill of meeting online friends IRL, and the excitement of being at a concert, and just the general spirit of it all, I thought Oseman got right. These paragraphs in particular made me tear up a little:
"Being a fan isn't always about the thing you're a fan of. Okay, well, it SORT OF is, but there is much more to it than just going online and screaming that you love something. Being a fan has given me people to talk to about the things that I like for the past five years. Being a fan has made me better friends online than I've ever encountered in real life; it has entered me into a community where people are joined in love and passion and hope and joy and escape. Being a fan has given me a reason to wake up, something always to look forward to, something to dream about when I'm trying to fall asleep.
"And people sneer. Sure. I get it. Adults especially. They see all these teenage girls and they think it's because we're stupid. They only see the tiny percentage of fans who take it too far- the stalkers- and they think we're all like that. They think we only love the band because of theirs look; they think we only like their music because it's relatable. They think all of us are girls. They think all of us are straight.
"They think we're dumb little girls who spend all our time screaming because we want to marry a musician.
"They don't understand the half of it. Any of it. How could they? Adults don't think teenagers can do anything, anyway.
"But despite everything in the world being terrible, we CHOOSE to stand by The Ark. We choose hope, light, joy, friendship, FAITH, even when our lives aren't perfect, or exciting, or fun, or special, like the boys from The Ark's are. I might be a disappointing student, without many close friends, with a life of mediocrity waiting for me back home- an average degree from an average university, an average job, and an average life- but I will always have this.
"In an otherwise mediocre existence, we choose to feel passion."
Like... oh my god. Other than the fact that Angel clearly has some misanthropic tendencies and low self-esteem that I no longer really possess as an adult (well, I still have the low self-esteem, but not in the same way that she does), I could have said the same. Being a fan of a band is so irrational and strange and enlightening and beautiful, and the thought of choosing to feel passion because what else are you going to do just awed me. That, I think Oseman got right.
However... I didn't feel anywhere near as connected to the rest of the writing in the book, and I have no idea why. Maybe it's because I've always been in fandoms for either older musicians, where teenagers are usually in the minority, or obscure/under the radar musicians, who don't have as huge a fanbase, so I couldn't connect to the exact same experience that Angel was going through. I especially felt disconnected from the Jimmy/Rowan shipping, and honestly felt like that could have been explored a little more. Angel says that shipping Jowan makes her feel like life is worth living, and I couldn't relate to that at all. I mean, I joke about how my OTP makes my life worth living, but 1. they're fictional characters and it feels so different and weird to say that about two actual people, and 2. I don't ACTUALLY feel that way. I love my life and have many reasons to keep living. Which is the other thing I couldn't relate to- Angel feeling that without The Ark, her life is meaningless. If I had read this book as a teenager, I probably could have related to this more, but I felt very disconnected from it reading it now. I understand why Angel was portrayed this way, as it set up a great arc where she realizes that she has people in her life whom she values more than The Ark and starts focusing on those relationships going forward, but since I've already kind of reached that stage in my life, I felt very ??? when reading those parts. A lot of it honestly didn't feel like it was written from experience, either, unlike Solitaire, Radio Silence, and Loveless, which all felt very much based on aspects of Oseman's life. I felt like she had based the story on the experiences of her friends instead. Or maybe I'm looking at it wrong, and she was writing about her experience with fans of her own works and trying to depict their mindset. I dunno... All I can say is that more parts failed to ring true for me than resonate.
I also have to say that aside from Bliss and Jimmy, I didn't really care about any of the characters. I can't say why they fell so flat to me- they just did. My biggest sticking point, however, was the build-up to the book's climax. More and more characters kept showing up and demanding "screentime," until I felt like they were all elbowing each other trying to get their plots to fit on the page. There was also a LOT of arguing, which became exhausting to read after a while. And as for the climax itself... Jesus, and I thought SOLITAIRE was dark. That was absolutely horrible, almost on par with Aled's mother having his dog put down in Radio Silence (although not quite to that point because what happened in I Was Born For This was an accident, whereas in Radio Silence, the dog killing was very much intentional.) Finally, I also felt like the ending left too many things unresolved, particularly with the future of The Ark and Jimmy & Lister's potential relationship. For me personally, I would have preferred a more definite ending.
With all that said... I'm glad that Oseman tackled the kind of topics she did in this book, but overall I felt that the narrative didn't go deep enough, and I didn't care enough about the characters to stay interested. It's a shame that I felt that way about something I was looking forward to so much, but hey, not every book has to be a winner. I'd say I'd probably rank Oseman's works thusly:
1. Radio Silence
2. Heartstopper
3. Loveless
4. Solitaire
5. I Was Born For This
