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between_time_and_42I posted the in-progress version of this a while ago, but here's the full version with my comments & my friend's comments. Again, happy Valentine's Day (or, as I prefer to celebrate, Ferris Wheel Day)!
Something I noticed early on in my exploration of Sparks’ catalog is that many of their songs give off an aromantic vibe. After discussing this with Jen2325, who agreed that Sparks are “the most aro band to ever aro and band,” we decided to compile a list of such songs. So here’s our list, alongside our thoughts to better explain each interpretation.
“Falling In Love With Myself Again”
“With her hand in my hand and my hand in hers, don’t we look a blur? Me and her and me and her. ‘Hey, kiss her, oh kiss her,’ our friends do concur. Yes, I think I'm falling in love with myself again… I can’t see myself with you in front of the mirror staring, staring.”
Blue: The pressure to date, marry, and start families is something that everyone raised in a amatonormative society faces at some point, but it can be even worse for aromantic folks, who are expected to feel certain things that they do not or rarely experience. The narrator of this song starts a relationship at their friends’ urging, bowing to what’s expected of them, but they soon realize they feel more comfortable alone. The only person they can fall in love with is themselves.
Jen2325: I think the song is also talking about the aspect of just going along with a relationship because everybody else thinks it's what you should do. The narrator keeps referencing their friends' opinions about the relationship ("kiss her oh kiss her // our friends do concure"). Or implicitly referencing what society says about relationships, that if you have a lot in common, you are a good fit ("similar father similar mother") and even takes it so far as to push it into the ridiculous, because what does "similar background/upbringing" even mean ("similar dog, cat and fish")
”Thank God It’s Not Christmas”
Jen2325: The narrator likes being distracted in groups and with everything, as long as they don't have to focus on their partner; they really don't want to have to be alone with them "Thank God it's not Christmas // When there is only you // And nothing else to do". They apparently don't even want to have sex with them "Thank God it's not Christmas // Where there's just you to do". The narrator really doesn't like their partner on any level, nor do they have much respect for them: "Great things to say and do // Aren't said or done by you .” (For a similar vibe, see: “Don’t Leave Me Alone With Her”)
“When I’m With You”
“I never feel like garbage when I’m with you… I almost feel normal when I’m with you… It’s that break in the song where I should say something special. But the pressure is on, and I can’t make up nothing special. Not when I’m with you.”
Blue: Although commonly read as a love song between romantic partners, “When I’m With You” perfectly describes the platonic love I have for my friends. In the past, I’ve struggled with accepting my identity and feeling abnormal in comparison to others, but now I’m fortunate enough to be in a place surrounded by friends around whom I don’t feel like garbage and almost feel normal. I also struggle to verbalize this love for them when I’m around them, so I relate to feeling like you have to say something “special” but not being able to spit it out.
Jen2325: Russell's performance, the singing alone, but especially the video, give me the impression that this is a narrator who is stuck in a situation they don't really know how to navigate but think they should be in and should want, and they also think that is more or less the normal way this kind of thing goes. In that way it is almost a quintessential aro-experience.
Here, the narrator apes some words they have heard other people say, maybe in the movies, or in real life. But the feeling that should go with them is absolutely lacking, and it also shows in the words themselves when looking at them a little closer. To me he feels trapped, like acting like a puppet, not like someone who is comfortable in their situation. All the dolls, Russell as a ventriloquist's puppet who keeps looking at Ron, as well as his very wooden demeanor when having his arm around the woman, who also doesn't look like she is happy there, highlight this for me in the video, but it is also in Russell's voice on its own.
Just like with "Falling in Love...." the narrator kind of knows what they should do: "say something special," but they can't. Because the situation doesn't feel special to them. To me it doesn't read like a tongue-tied person who is so in love they have lost all speech. It's more: I should say something, but what even could that be?!? And they do kind of know how relationships like this (i.e.: romantic) are supposed to go but, again, they don't know what exactly that means. They kind of know that you should feel good when you’re around this person, so they come up with "I never have a problem". That's good, isn't it? Surely, that is what they all mean. Also this is something people mention when talking about being in love: "I lose a lot of sleep", so that's what that must be. (Whether the narrator loses sleep because they are worried about the situation and in over their head, or because they are having a lot of sex, who knows, either way...not an ideal match). The other lines mirror this as well, though I think it deteriorates even more with "not like garbage," "almost normal".
I think this song is full of things that could be matched with what culture tells us a romantic relationship looks like. But described by someone through an aro lens, someone who takes things literally, because they have never felt the added ingredient of being attracted to someone in that way. "I'm always hot and bothered" sounds to me like they are nervous and want to get out of a situation, not like someone who starts sweating because they are finally close to their crush. But because nobody bothers to explain the difference between these two hot and bothered, it is easy to mistake one for the other if you have never experienced the romantic versions of these feelings. And I think that is what is happening in the song.
"Eaten By the Monster of Love”
“I hate to gripe, but I just ain’t the type… I know some really good, good people overcome, and piece by piece they were eaten by the monster of love. Sometimes it takes a nip at me, but I'm too quick to ever be eaten by the monster of love. Don’t let it get me!”
Blue: This song is THE aromantic anthem and I don’t think it needs further explaining, but if you insist… This song personifies romantic love as a monster to be feared and to run from, specifically pointing out its effects on people- “it spits out people with those goo-gooey eyes, sick-sickly smiles, it isn’t right…” This perfectly expresses the feeling that many aro-adjacent folks have when they see couples expressing their feelings. It can be a baffling and at times disturbing experience. Aro folks can also be seen as self-pitying or jealous when they complain about this, but the truth is, a lot of us just don’t understand it. Therefore, “I hate to gripe, but… I just ain’t the type.”
"All You Ever Think About Is Sex”
“All you ever think about is sex. All you ever think about, exclusively. All you ever think about is sex… all right with me.”
Blue: I personally see this as an excellent aro-allo song, where sexual attraction is all that connects a couple, and yet, because they don’t experience romantic attraction, that’s perfectly all right with them. (Though it could also describe the perspective of a sex-favorable asexual person, who might not have the same investment in sex and looks at things in a more straightforward way, and therefore sex is just another enjoyable activity that they could take or leave, like going to a museum or a sports game.)
Jen2325: I love this as an absolute aro song and a hymn to just enjoying sex. (Although it goes a little bit too far in not caring about anything else maybe, but hey sex is great, and you love it and I am having fun, and that is great. Nothing to add.) I think the narrator is mostly fine, their partner is maybe a little sex addicted, but the narrator is enjoying themselves, not pesky side issues to navigate like romance or any expected romantic behavior, just straightforward sex. And finally they are also free in enjoying that because their partner (society/friends etc.) doesn't expect anything else, unlike in some other songs.
“Rockin’ Girls”
“You’re the only girl I ever met named Linda Lou. Maybe that’s the reason that I’m so in love with you.”
Jen2325: The narrator of this song is desperately trying to a) be in love in the first place, and b) to find any reason why they would be in love (with this particular person). The whole: I don't experience attraction, so how would I even choose? How do others even choose a partner? Where do they start? "I hope I never have to see the doctor 'cause of you//I hope you never have to see the doctor 'cause of me" also gives me aspec vibes because lack of attraction makes sex less urgent and allows for more rational thought about unwanted consequences.
“So Important”
“But if it takes a cheap, tawdry scene to make you see what I mean… because you’re so important to me.”
Jen2325: I think this is the only one of these where I'd really say the narrator liked being in a (maybe romantic) relationship with their partner. But the partner didn't like how they were expressing it. Russell has so much anger in his voice without being yelly about it, it's such a great and powerful performance. It sounds so sarcastic when he delivers the "So important" line, but the kind of sarcasm that you use when you are deeply wounded. Something like someone would say "Yeah, of course, that's it, I never loved you anyway" when being accused of such in a fight, although the other person is the one person they love more than anything in this world. This deeply hurt expression of feelings, deeply hurt because this person that is so important to them obviously didn't notice it and doesn't believe it. It's so terribly sad.
To me it still makes most sense thinking of a narrator who writes songs, and their friend/partner has this 'romantic' expectation that they will write a love song about them and they never do. At some point the partner confronts them about it accusingly. The partner doesn't understand that the narrator has been and is doing so many things that mean so much more to them than such a "flashy display" as writing a public love song about their partner. The partner is "so important" to them, too important to tarnish that with something like this. But the partner is ignorant towards that. Sadly, that makes the narrator realize that their partner doesn't hold the same values as them and they completely misjudged them and their relationship. (It's almost like the boyfriend sweater legend in knitting, you knit a sweater for your boyfriend, invest so much time, love, skill and money and then they aren't just ungrateful for what you gave them, they also whine about why you didn't buy them the latest video game as a gift, to keep it very gendered.)
“Change”
“Well you can argue all day long about whether love really exists or not… it’s a complete waste of time. Like arguing about whether Santa Claus really exists or not. I got better things to do with my time.”
Blue: I see “Change” as a breakup song between two people who aren’t compatible because one of them is aromantic and unable to give to the other the kind of relationship they want. This narrator genuinely cares about the person they’re addressing, but they have doubts about the existence of love because they haven’t experienced romance, comparing it to the fictional Santa Claus, and ultimately decide they have better things to do than try to stay in this relationship (even though they’re still sad that their partner couldn’t meet them in that headspace).
“I Married Myself”
“I married myself. I’m very happy together. Long, long walks on the beach… lovely times.”
Blue: The ultimate ode to self-sufficiency and self-love. This is how I consider my relationship to romance- the only person I’m in a relationship with is myself. And yes, I am very happy this way. Having struggled so long with trying to be “normal” and act the way I was expected, how could I not be happy now that I’m acting more like myself?
“Rock, Rock, Rock”
“A lack of passion, a lack of commitment, a lack of feeling, a lack of fervor, a lack of decisiveness… and since you put a gun to my head, I promise that I’ll rock, rock, rock! Don’t leave me, don’t leave me, don’t leave me, don’t leave me…”
Blue: This one may be a bit of a stretch, because I think it would make more sense the opposite way (where “soft passages” stand for romantic love and the ability to “rock” characterizes a person who doesn’t experience that), but I imagine this could be about an aromantic person trying unsuccessfully to be in a relationship with someone, and feeling like their request to do more romantic, couple-y things is like a threat with a gun to their head, and yet they don’t want the person to leave them because they’ll be alone otherwise (remember: not desiring romance is not the same as not desiring companionship in general, or maybe they’re ashamed to be alone due to how society reinforces amatonormativity), so they promise to act the way the person wants to keep them happy.
“I Can’t Believe That You Would Fall For All the Crap In This Song”
“I want you, and only you, and only you, my love. I need you, and only you, and only you, my love. I can’t believe that you would fall for all the crap in this song.”
Jen2325: I think this is related to "So Important". As it's talking about a narrator who did actually write a 'love' song for a partner who kept wanting one. But not just half-heartedly, but intentionally with so many shallow clichés and platitudes and plain bullshit, fully expecting the other person to understand how much that song doesn't prove any love or some such. But then the person completely fell for it! Didn't for a second think it was performance art or anything, didn't understand the irony/humor/joke in the whole thing, was just focused on exactly those platitudes....
“I’ve Never Been High”
“Paint me a picture, read me some scripture… maybe I should have stuck it out with her. I’ve never been high, never been high, never been high…”
Blue: “I’ve Never Been High” is all about regretting the plainness and simplicity of one’s life- where are the wild rock and roll stories that will make hairs stand on end to tell them? I personally like to interpret “getting high” not as drug use, but as high on the euphoria of romantic love. The narrator regrets their inability and inexperience with romantic relationships, thinking that maybe they’d try it out now just to see what it’s like, but they also believe it’s too late for them and they probably should have tried to make it work with a previous partner if they really wanted it. The feeling is so foreign, they want others to tell them what it’s like so they can get a sense of it.
”The Director Never Yelled ‘Cut’”
Jen2325: Imagine this coming from an aro person who’s basically saying, "I have NO CLUE what they want from me? And they aren't even explaining it well?? Did I get it now? Did I manage? Can this finally be over??"
“Likeable”
“Wonder what it feels like to be in love? How would you describe it, like a push or shove? Guess I keep pretending this is all I need… wanting more than what I have might appear as greed.”
Blue: The narrator of “Likeable” wants to be liked above all else, which proves to be detrimental to their mental health. At a crucial point in the song, they realize that they don’t know what it’s like to be in love, and though they fear it- relating it to violent imagery- they also can’t help but crave it, since it seems to be a universal thing. Technically, they don’t NEED any more than what they have… but societal pressure makes them want to experience it.
Something I noticed early on in my exploration of Sparks’ catalog is that many of their songs give off an aromantic vibe. After discussing this with Jen2325, who agreed that Sparks are “the most aro band to ever aro and band,” we decided to compile a list of such songs. So here’s our list, alongside our thoughts to better explain each interpretation.
“Falling In Love With Myself Again”
“With her hand in my hand and my hand in hers, don’t we look a blur? Me and her and me and her. ‘Hey, kiss her, oh kiss her,’ our friends do concur. Yes, I think I'm falling in love with myself again… I can’t see myself with you in front of the mirror staring, staring.”
Blue: The pressure to date, marry, and start families is something that everyone raised in a amatonormative society faces at some point, but it can be even worse for aromantic folks, who are expected to feel certain things that they do not or rarely experience. The narrator of this song starts a relationship at their friends’ urging, bowing to what’s expected of them, but they soon realize they feel more comfortable alone. The only person they can fall in love with is themselves.
Jen2325: I think the song is also talking about the aspect of just going along with a relationship because everybody else thinks it's what you should do. The narrator keeps referencing their friends' opinions about the relationship ("kiss her oh kiss her // our friends do concure"). Or implicitly referencing what society says about relationships, that if you have a lot in common, you are a good fit ("similar father similar mother") and even takes it so far as to push it into the ridiculous, because what does "similar background/upbringing" even mean ("similar dog, cat and fish")
”Thank God It’s Not Christmas”
Jen2325: The narrator likes being distracted in groups and with everything, as long as they don't have to focus on their partner; they really don't want to have to be alone with them "Thank God it's not Christmas // When there is only you // And nothing else to do". They apparently don't even want to have sex with them "Thank God it's not Christmas // Where there's just you to do". The narrator really doesn't like their partner on any level, nor do they have much respect for them: "Great things to say and do // Aren't said or done by you .” (For a similar vibe, see: “Don’t Leave Me Alone With Her”)
“When I’m With You”
“I never feel like garbage when I’m with you… I almost feel normal when I’m with you… It’s that break in the song where I should say something special. But the pressure is on, and I can’t make up nothing special. Not when I’m with you.”
Blue: Although commonly read as a love song between romantic partners, “When I’m With You” perfectly describes the platonic love I have for my friends. In the past, I’ve struggled with accepting my identity and feeling abnormal in comparison to others, but now I’m fortunate enough to be in a place surrounded by friends around whom I don’t feel like garbage and almost feel normal. I also struggle to verbalize this love for them when I’m around them, so I relate to feeling like you have to say something “special” but not being able to spit it out.
Jen2325: Russell's performance, the singing alone, but especially the video, give me the impression that this is a narrator who is stuck in a situation they don't really know how to navigate but think they should be in and should want, and they also think that is more or less the normal way this kind of thing goes. In that way it is almost a quintessential aro-experience.
Here, the narrator apes some words they have heard other people say, maybe in the movies, or in real life. But the feeling that should go with them is absolutely lacking, and it also shows in the words themselves when looking at them a little closer. To me he feels trapped, like acting like a puppet, not like someone who is comfortable in their situation. All the dolls, Russell as a ventriloquist's puppet who keeps looking at Ron, as well as his very wooden demeanor when having his arm around the woman, who also doesn't look like she is happy there, highlight this for me in the video, but it is also in Russell's voice on its own.
Just like with "Falling in Love...." the narrator kind of knows what they should do: "say something special," but they can't. Because the situation doesn't feel special to them. To me it doesn't read like a tongue-tied person who is so in love they have lost all speech. It's more: I should say something, but what even could that be?!? And they do kind of know how relationships like this (i.e.: romantic) are supposed to go but, again, they don't know what exactly that means. They kind of know that you should feel good when you’re around this person, so they come up with "I never have a problem". That's good, isn't it? Surely, that is what they all mean. Also this is something people mention when talking about being in love: "I lose a lot of sleep", so that's what that must be. (Whether the narrator loses sleep because they are worried about the situation and in over their head, or because they are having a lot of sex, who knows, either way...not an ideal match). The other lines mirror this as well, though I think it deteriorates even more with "not like garbage," "almost normal".
I think this song is full of things that could be matched with what culture tells us a romantic relationship looks like. But described by someone through an aro lens, someone who takes things literally, because they have never felt the added ingredient of being attracted to someone in that way. "I'm always hot and bothered" sounds to me like they are nervous and want to get out of a situation, not like someone who starts sweating because they are finally close to their crush. But because nobody bothers to explain the difference between these two hot and bothered, it is easy to mistake one for the other if you have never experienced the romantic versions of these feelings. And I think that is what is happening in the song.
"Eaten By the Monster of Love”
“I hate to gripe, but I just ain’t the type… I know some really good, good people overcome, and piece by piece they were eaten by the monster of love. Sometimes it takes a nip at me, but I'm too quick to ever be eaten by the monster of love. Don’t let it get me!”
Blue: This song is THE aromantic anthem and I don’t think it needs further explaining, but if you insist… This song personifies romantic love as a monster to be feared and to run from, specifically pointing out its effects on people- “it spits out people with those goo-gooey eyes, sick-sickly smiles, it isn’t right…” This perfectly expresses the feeling that many aro-adjacent folks have when they see couples expressing their feelings. It can be a baffling and at times disturbing experience. Aro folks can also be seen as self-pitying or jealous when they complain about this, but the truth is, a lot of us just don’t understand it. Therefore, “I hate to gripe, but… I just ain’t the type.”
"All You Ever Think About Is Sex”
“All you ever think about is sex. All you ever think about, exclusively. All you ever think about is sex… all right with me.”
Blue: I personally see this as an excellent aro-allo song, where sexual attraction is all that connects a couple, and yet, because they don’t experience romantic attraction, that’s perfectly all right with them. (Though it could also describe the perspective of a sex-favorable asexual person, who might not have the same investment in sex and looks at things in a more straightforward way, and therefore sex is just another enjoyable activity that they could take or leave, like going to a museum or a sports game.)
Jen2325: I love this as an absolute aro song and a hymn to just enjoying sex. (Although it goes a little bit too far in not caring about anything else maybe, but hey sex is great, and you love it and I am having fun, and that is great. Nothing to add.) I think the narrator is mostly fine, their partner is maybe a little sex addicted, but the narrator is enjoying themselves, not pesky side issues to navigate like romance or any expected romantic behavior, just straightforward sex. And finally they are also free in enjoying that because their partner (society/friends etc.) doesn't expect anything else, unlike in some other songs.
“Rockin’ Girls”
“You’re the only girl I ever met named Linda Lou. Maybe that’s the reason that I’m so in love with you.”
Jen2325: The narrator of this song is desperately trying to a) be in love in the first place, and b) to find any reason why they would be in love (with this particular person). The whole: I don't experience attraction, so how would I even choose? How do others even choose a partner? Where do they start? "I hope I never have to see the doctor 'cause of you//I hope you never have to see the doctor 'cause of me" also gives me aspec vibes because lack of attraction makes sex less urgent and allows for more rational thought about unwanted consequences.
“So Important”
“But if it takes a cheap, tawdry scene to make you see what I mean… because you’re so important to me.”
Jen2325: I think this is the only one of these where I'd really say the narrator liked being in a (maybe romantic) relationship with their partner. But the partner didn't like how they were expressing it. Russell has so much anger in his voice without being yelly about it, it's such a great and powerful performance. It sounds so sarcastic when he delivers the "So important" line, but the kind of sarcasm that you use when you are deeply wounded. Something like someone would say "Yeah, of course, that's it, I never loved you anyway" when being accused of such in a fight, although the other person is the one person they love more than anything in this world. This deeply hurt expression of feelings, deeply hurt because this person that is so important to them obviously didn't notice it and doesn't believe it. It's so terribly sad.
To me it still makes most sense thinking of a narrator who writes songs, and their friend/partner has this 'romantic' expectation that they will write a love song about them and they never do. At some point the partner confronts them about it accusingly. The partner doesn't understand that the narrator has been and is doing so many things that mean so much more to them than such a "flashy display" as writing a public love song about their partner. The partner is "so important" to them, too important to tarnish that with something like this. But the partner is ignorant towards that. Sadly, that makes the narrator realize that their partner doesn't hold the same values as them and they completely misjudged them and their relationship. (It's almost like the boyfriend sweater legend in knitting, you knit a sweater for your boyfriend, invest so much time, love, skill and money and then they aren't just ungrateful for what you gave them, they also whine about why you didn't buy them the latest video game as a gift, to keep it very gendered.)
“Change”
“Well you can argue all day long about whether love really exists or not… it’s a complete waste of time. Like arguing about whether Santa Claus really exists or not. I got better things to do with my time.”
Blue: I see “Change” as a breakup song between two people who aren’t compatible because one of them is aromantic and unable to give to the other the kind of relationship they want. This narrator genuinely cares about the person they’re addressing, but they have doubts about the existence of love because they haven’t experienced romance, comparing it to the fictional Santa Claus, and ultimately decide they have better things to do than try to stay in this relationship (even though they’re still sad that their partner couldn’t meet them in that headspace).
“I Married Myself”
“I married myself. I’m very happy together. Long, long walks on the beach… lovely times.”
Blue: The ultimate ode to self-sufficiency and self-love. This is how I consider my relationship to romance- the only person I’m in a relationship with is myself. And yes, I am very happy this way. Having struggled so long with trying to be “normal” and act the way I was expected, how could I not be happy now that I’m acting more like myself?
“Rock, Rock, Rock”
“A lack of passion, a lack of commitment, a lack of feeling, a lack of fervor, a lack of decisiveness… and since you put a gun to my head, I promise that I’ll rock, rock, rock! Don’t leave me, don’t leave me, don’t leave me, don’t leave me…”
Blue: This one may be a bit of a stretch, because I think it would make more sense the opposite way (where “soft passages” stand for romantic love and the ability to “rock” characterizes a person who doesn’t experience that), but I imagine this could be about an aromantic person trying unsuccessfully to be in a relationship with someone, and feeling like their request to do more romantic, couple-y things is like a threat with a gun to their head, and yet they don’t want the person to leave them because they’ll be alone otherwise (remember: not desiring romance is not the same as not desiring companionship in general, or maybe they’re ashamed to be alone due to how society reinforces amatonormativity), so they promise to act the way the person wants to keep them happy.
“I Can’t Believe That You Would Fall For All the Crap In This Song”
“I want you, and only you, and only you, my love. I need you, and only you, and only you, my love. I can’t believe that you would fall for all the crap in this song.”
Jen2325: I think this is related to "So Important". As it's talking about a narrator who did actually write a 'love' song for a partner who kept wanting one. But not just half-heartedly, but intentionally with so many shallow clichés and platitudes and plain bullshit, fully expecting the other person to understand how much that song doesn't prove any love or some such. But then the person completely fell for it! Didn't for a second think it was performance art or anything, didn't understand the irony/humor/joke in the whole thing, was just focused on exactly those platitudes....
“I’ve Never Been High”
“Paint me a picture, read me some scripture… maybe I should have stuck it out with her. I’ve never been high, never been high, never been high…”
Blue: “I’ve Never Been High” is all about regretting the plainness and simplicity of one’s life- where are the wild rock and roll stories that will make hairs stand on end to tell them? I personally like to interpret “getting high” not as drug use, but as high on the euphoria of romantic love. The narrator regrets their inability and inexperience with romantic relationships, thinking that maybe they’d try it out now just to see what it’s like, but they also believe it’s too late for them and they probably should have tried to make it work with a previous partner if they really wanted it. The feeling is so foreign, they want others to tell them what it’s like so they can get a sense of it.
”The Director Never Yelled ‘Cut’”
Jen2325: Imagine this coming from an aro person who’s basically saying, "I have NO CLUE what they want from me? And they aren't even explaining it well?? Did I get it now? Did I manage? Can this finally be over??"
“Likeable”
“Wonder what it feels like to be in love? How would you describe it, like a push or shove? Guess I keep pretending this is all I need… wanting more than what I have might appear as greed.”
Blue: The narrator of “Likeable” wants to be liked above all else, which proves to be detrimental to their mental health. At a crucial point in the song, they realize that they don’t know what it’s like to be in love, and though they fear it- relating it to violent imagery- they also can’t help but crave it, since it seems to be a universal thing. Technically, they don’t NEED any more than what they have… but societal pressure makes them want to experience it.
